By Priska Neely
Journalist, trainer and media leader
OK, so you don’t like your boss. Maybe it’s a generational thing, maybe the vibes are all off or maybe you feel like you literally have nothing in common. The reality is that this happens.
“We don’t have to like everyone we work with,” said Sonali Kohli, URL Media’s Director of Recruitment & Workforce Development. “You can do good work and colleagues can just be colleagues.”
It’s still not ideal and kind of sucks. In this week’s URHired video, Sonali talks with her boss Leonor Ayala Polley about how to make the best of the situation.
Here are some pointers from them along with insights from workplace strategist and author Beverly DineAccept that you’ll have to manage up
Ideally, during the onboarding process, your boss takes time to clarify expectations and communication styles. That may not happen, but you can still bring it up.
Sonali recommends something like, “Hey, I’m wondering if my communication style aligns with how you best communicate. I’m wondering if we can have a conversation about that?”
Another idea is bringing up an employee user guide like this.
Pay attention and pivot accordingly
Beverly navigated these situations with pattern recognition and radical acceptance. Like, if her boss was always complaining about meetings, she’d stop scheduling them and send an email or Slack message instead.
“Yes, I might prefer a meeting, but could I send that email knowing it might build a better relationship? Sure,” Beverly said. “As long as I get what I need from them, and they get what they need from me, we’re good.”
Find the thing you have in common
Maybe it’s a shared love of pets, plants or travel. (I once bonded with an editor purely because we both went to Orange Theory Fitness.)
“When you zero in on that,” Beverly said, “the person becomes a person, which can help with conflict down the line and politics later.
There are times things cross over into unhealthy and unacceptable territory.
Watch out for …
- Scope shifts: Removal or addition of duties without explanation.
- Sabotage: If they tell you you’re valued, but others are promoted over you.
- Subtle undermining: You lay out a plan and your leader gives a different directive behind your back.
“That’s where self-advocacy is critical,” Beverly said. “Document what you’re seeing, track the patterns, and make steps to transition.”
